Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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