So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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