I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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