you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Shame - the story of my life.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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