So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
