so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
