also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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