How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
