Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
