he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
