you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
