I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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