so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
