3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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