i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
