I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
