You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
