We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm getting married
To pizza
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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