Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
