I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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