Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
