got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
