she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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