I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
