i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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