As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
