Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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