I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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