Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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