Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
