also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
my liver is dry heaving
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
