you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
