I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
