Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I FOUND THE LEGS
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
