her vagine was all disorganized.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
