as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
