All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
