Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
