dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
