So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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