There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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