did you get engaged???
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
