I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
