Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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