Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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