I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I looked at my own cervix.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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