so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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