nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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