idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm getting married
To pizza
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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