69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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